Log in

No account? Create an account
Walking in beauty [entries|friends|calendar]
Beautiful Darkness

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(7 Shots | Finger the trigger)

[15 Dec 2011|01:36pm]
Who is still on here? I am about to start a new livejournal and add my old peeps, so shoot me a line if you want to read my ramblings again or comment so I know your account is still real. :)


(4 Shots | Finger the trigger)

[14 May 2010|02:54pm]
Holy crap, I still have a livejournal!

God, I feel like so much has happened since I wrote in this on...Created on 2004-05-28...so it was May (!) when I was...16. I would do anything to revert back to that age.

(2 Shots | Finger the trigger)

[03 May 2009|05:53pm]
I am going to blog again!


I feel there are negative things with this one so

I am making a new one

if you want to follow my zany recovery you can follow me

thanks for all the memories here
this has just become so negative
and I only want to speak to people who I'm close to
basically my old TF friends <3
I love you guys.


(1 Shot | Finger the trigger)

[25 Mar 2009|07:04pm]

I forget I have this thing.

(2 Shots | Finger the trigger)

[14 Apr 2008|12:48pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Tagged by lovessunflowers!

The rules in this game of tag are simple -- once you have been tagged, you must write a blog with ten weird, random things, little known facts or habits about yourself. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. 99% of me just wants to up and leave my life. And never come back. Basically just my mom and my best friend are the primary motivators for staying. Dunno if it's weird but it's honest. Thinking...London.

2. I'm in love with a guy who has no fucking idea.

3. I took strippercize for 4 years.

4. I once had two cases of strep and one case of mono in one semester. This semester, I have mono (again!!) and bronchitis. Yipee. I have no immune system.

5. I work at a [Fucking] Bowling Alley. But I love kicking it with my boys and hustling and shooting, haha.

6. I love blowing bubbles, colouring books, and glitter.

7. I LOVE SAND. And swimming. And beache.s

8. I love sleeping.

9. I'm such a foodie! I love gourmet food. Sigh.

10. I love my parents and my friends more than anything.


1. Polgaramalfoy
2. Lady_e
3. Aephori
4. Flywingedmonkey
5. Gracile
6. Lidi
7. Copperdaze
8. Sabbaidee
9. N0thing
10. Popartagenda.

(Finger the trigger)

[17 Feb 2008|06:41pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Wow, I had a crap ass day. I just found out I got a C on my first paper for 472. 0_0 That's a fucking horrible grade. And this semester I VOWED to get fucking straight A's or die.

The zoloft is not working at all. I am as anxious hell. What the fuck?

So I go to get coffee at my usual place and my goodamn roomate is there. I cannot get away from this psycho bitch. i saw her this morning too.

And I really, really hate dating; I would just like to say that right now.

(11 Shots | Finger the trigger)

Yes, I am laughing hysterically until I choke [05 Feb 2008|03:39pm]

Free Image Hosting at ImageShack.us

(3 Shots | Finger the trigger)

[16 Jan 2008|04:56pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Dealing with shit
*The roomie is on psycho bitch mode and keeps throwing open the windows and kicking the heat off sporadically. Demanding total silence at all times. Just general jerkiness and comments. Calling me names. Making herself known. Kicking my stereo when I had my music on. I did tell her to fuck off then. But she does not care. And no, my ra is no help, she's not even back yet. We've been here for 3 days.
*I got really sick. And just let the parentals take care of me. That is improving.
*My new classes are harder than I realized...rapid-fire gaelic and 400 senior level Shakespeare. Which means I have to eat now.
*I am getting professional help for myself and medication.

Oh! Great news! There is a single for me potentially! I know in two weeks cause that's how housing is!! But I am probably moving!!

Suggestions on not collapsing into tears before then? I am still sick and freezing, but the stupid bitch is in the room 100% of the time. I wonder if she's even eating cause I don't see her going to the caf, which I did totay, after much "Come on lady, you need to this." After being sick for four days, I had to work to get myself to not just starve.

(3 Shots | Finger the trigger)

Hey old friends! *waves* [20 Jan 2007|07:48pm]
Awwww, I was so happy to see comments from good old people.

I'm not a person who doesn't leave someone added if I still like them...I want to know how you are, and what's going on.

FYI, new e and aim: Skeletornymph@yahoo.com (also my msn) and ohhlucas on AIM.

Disturbing, disruptive...after a great week at class, while Mason hauled me through the mud again and again, I got pissed and, despite the fact I love him, told him I needed "a breath." his response? "What the fuck does that mean??" Good question, I like to breathe and have lovers at the same time generally.

It's just...he treats me like shite, and I know that, but I'm still in love with him. He's a great guy deep down, but he's a horrible lover in terms of emotional support (I liked him better as I friend) and I'm just constantly fighting to keep myself into this.

Tom and I...Tom, who always makes the time for me, let me live with him when it was just the two of us, who fucking drove me to class when I was sick every damn day this week (bf: never) got to talking, and we were just being hypothetical, but we both realized we were, actually, inexplicably right for each other.

I don't think we're going to act on it. I love mason. Realistically, this break up may call it for us (bad girl) but he needs to GROW UP and see what's happening here. I love mason. I love mason. that sounds so weird and just, overblow, because I never, ever told him I did. (Though he suspected, I bet.) I came close than said nahh. I don't know how he feels.

Maybe I won't.

That was one of the hardest relationship decesions I've had to make. Quitting it.

(7 Shots | Finger the trigger)

Also I am 19!!! [16 Nov 2006|01:04am]
[ mood | exanimate ]

I am still alive! Do you remember me? Do you remember the long thread rambles @ TF (SkeletorNymph), the horrible advice, the long email rants, the completely, out-of-my-mind instant messages? The meet ups? The phone calls, my horrible midwestern accent? Do you remember me?

I wouldn't blame you if you didn't.

I want to go "gee, I'm really sorry, friends" to those of you I have just abandoned. It seems like just yesterday I spent mass amounts of time in front of the computer, struggling with life-shite, and suddenly, damn, I have not seen any of you in months.

I miss you.

Here's what happened to me. Four months in four minutes, sorta.

*I got a life
*I fell in love--but that's over, he's a fucktard, though gorgeous
*I went and lived in Europe for three months
*I saw bloody everything
*I came home to America
*I hooked up with somebody new, whom I'm not really into, but I should be; he's a love
*I'm not staying in America long, just long enough to finish school
*I am moving to England as soon as I obtain my undergraduate degree and land a job there
*I am starting over with my health
*Jag pratar (inte bra) svenska
*I'm kinda sane
*I'm living in a dorm
*I finished the novel.

I'm still crazy about MR. I'm still crazy about my ex, but he broke my heart. My best friend and I still flirt like fiends...someday she and I will figure each other out.

I'm really not eating disordered anymore. I am, in that I'm not completely happy, but here's the thing: I can run around in my underwear and not feel ashamed, I eat shiteloads, I can deal with my weight though I really need to lose about 20 pounds (I'm 120 lbs @ 5'9, christ) but I can deal with this life. I need to be healthy because I have to Make It.

I am cut off from my parents. They disowned me. Don't ask. My fault, of course. Dunoo.

I am in such a better mental state because of it, even if I have to work two jobs and go to uni.

I think I am going to make it.

Hey, drop me a comment if you want to, I'd love to know you are ok. or hit the e I actually check:


That's all. I am not going to say I'm sorry, because I miss you, and I'm sorry I don't talk to you. I am NOT SORRY I have a freaking life.

(2 Shots | Finger the trigger)

[01 Sep 2006|11:48pm]
Have survived my firsty month here. Btw, my number is available, should you request.

I miss home so much. And want to go back, but Europe is infinitely better, and I realize that.

I just wish I had some friends! Hee. I'm working on it.

Sick with the flu. Ex boyfriend taunts from afar. Bastard.

(6 Shots | Finger the trigger)

[22 Aug 2006|05:36pm]
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, Swedes, who sneer on me when I say I'm american.

I don’t eat big macs, I hate coke, I hate Bush and did not vote for him. I have a BMI that is emaciated by some scales. I am sensitive, intelligent, and extremely educated. I have probably seen less American cinema then somebody of your culture who happens to be half my age. I don’t wear inverted suspenders and call it fashion, and back home, Lee jeans are retarded, but I say nothing, and I’m not going to, so stop making fun of how I dress. I eat with my left hand even though it’s killing my wrist. I speak your language, YES WITH AN ACCENT, FUCK YOU. I shut my mouth and smile when you glare at me. I wave at you when you shun me. I keep smiling. I’m going to.

Guess what? I’m trying damn hard to learn everything in your culture, and I never talk about how great my country is. I always tell you how much I love Sweden. I really do. IF YOU STILL HATE ME JUST BECAUSE I COME FROM FUCKING AMERICA, WHOSE FUCKING IMPORTS YOU SEEM TO FUCKING EAT UP, YOU’RE AS IGNORANT AS YOU SEEM TO PERCEIVE EVERY AMERICAN.

And stop fucking kicking me on the fucking subway. And stop body slamming me when I go throw crowds. And stop throwing hamburger wrappers at me.

I want to go home so so bad.

(6 Shots | Finger the trigger)

[30 Jul 2006|11:12am]

I'm freaking out just a little bit.

I met the man of my dreams this month, and we had a great time together, but now I am leaving the country, and he told me point blank he wouldn't wait for me, so that's that.

Otherwise, I AM FUCKING EXCITED. Scared out of my mind, but I will still have all of you guys plus the friends at home, right? I'll update as soon as I can and if I can log in again before I leave I will. (I doubt it, but hey, lol).

All right, Sweden, here I come.

(10 Shots | Finger the trigger)

[08 Jun 2006|12:00pm]
[ mood | quixotic (note drooling icon) ]

Friends Only

Talk to the naked man.

I am friends-only, and I don't add anyone.

Just, ahem, people who ask nicely.

[ viewing | most recent entries ]